Rory's addiction
by Broad and Bernard
Summary: When you try your best but you don't succeed...rated M for domestic abuse, character death and graphic decapitation. (PLUS LEMONS) SUPERPOTTERWHOVENGERS CROSSOVER.


Rory waddled towards Amy and his folds cascaded everywhere. They were in Nettoz, where Steve worked to earned some extra dollaz.

"Let's buy this Freddo," honked Amy.

"That's 80p!" screamed Rory, slapping his wife in the face. "We're not made of money!"

Steve sidled over to break apart the duelling couple. "What a kerfuffle!" he boomed "Take this outside!" he said, handing them a dung-scented candle.

"OI! That's my candle!" bellowed Filch, farting grotesquely as he used a pretzel stick to clean out the gunk from around his eyes.

"Don't dine and dash, you beady-eyed trollop!" Steve rapped, beating off Filch.

"But yer so attractive!" Filch wheezed, flashing his hairy belly to entice Steve. Steve had a body hair fetish. His trousers bulged instantaneously. Suddenly there was a hideous squelch as Mrs Norris exploded all over aisle 2, where Amy and Roy were standing.

"Who did this!?" Filch wailed, throwing himself onto the ground. This caused a minor earthquake, which sent the fat spinsters to their grave. In the afterlife, Rory considered his life's regret.

"I will never eat another Freddo!" he sobbed.

Amy galloped to her husband, saying that she had seen an angel. The sound of hippos rutting indicated Castiel's advance from behind. The reek of pitcher plants and cold sausages filled the air as Cas emerged from within a rhododendron.

"How!" he said, his teeth falling out as he screamed his greeting. Amy threw up in her mouth.

"I'm gonna blow chunks!" Rory screamed as he threw up on his sweater-vest.

"Haters gonna Hate!" Cas sneered snidely, throwing up his middle finger. "I have a great deal to propose to you!"

"Ugh, no weigh!" Rory belched, repulsed by Cas's excruciating lack of hygiene and appalling fashion sense.

"You asked for it!" the widest angle screamed, throwing his left buttock onto Amy's back. "Accept my offer or your wife will be sucked into the black hole that is my bottom!"

Amy's legs buckled under his considerable bulk. Rory screeched hideously, like an ox with a toe cramp as he charged ineffectually into Castiel's flabby sweat-saturated love-handles with pure rage in his opticals.

"You hideous lout!" Rory caterwauled, his voice muffled by Castiel's flubber. Cad would not be deterred.

"You must win her freedom by accepting my offer." He chuntered sagely. "I will help you to escape from the afterlife if you sell your soles to me!" He ran a hand through the greasy oil-slick that was his hair, dislodging a few seagulls.

Rory accepted his deal and in a few moments he and Amy were reincarnated in Nettos.

Meanwhile, Steve and Filch were making love with the assistance of mayonnaise – or was it mayonnaise? O.O

Filsh snorted, blowing mucus willy-nilly across the world. An Indian gent cursed as a snot globule the size of a football knocked his turban off of his head and into his dinner, which was curry.

In France an onion seller about to do a triple-flip over the Eiffel tower screamed "Mon Deiu!" as his stripy T-shirt and beret were coated in Filch's fluids.

Back in Nettos, Steve was roaring with passion fruit as he pulsated against Filch's buns. "I feel like I'm in nirvana!" Filch hissed. "when I'm really in you!"

"I know a way to really turn up the volume!" Filch yelled, taking out his Blueberry Curve from his greasy mullet and blasting on some Skrillex. Enthused by the supabass, Filch began to beat-box with fervour, causing various foreigners to be showered with spit across the globule.

Steve was about to play his trump card when the conveyer belt that the pair were fornicating upon began to move.

"Holy mother of poo!" Steve wailed, as his knees were burned by the friction of the belt, revealing his bones.

"I've got another bone on show now!" he joked, unaware of the excruciating pain and cheerful even on the brink of death.

Filch had bigger problems to worry about. He could see that they were reaching the end of their journey and would soon fall three feet to their doom! He struggled to ensure that Steve would fall first so that he would have a comfy landing. The tramps squawked and struggled with mortal terror, Filch was so afraid that he lost control of his bowels. "We're going to DIE!" he wailed, thinking of all his hopes and dreams. In a last frantic struggle, the couple kissed passionately as they were thrown off the end of the till and onto the floor, which was coated in Mrs Norris's entrails.

Steve sprang to his feet, but Filch could not, because his back was broken. "I can't feel my legs" he rasped as his life ebbed away.

"YOU DYING?!" Steve bawled, tears splashing to the floor and mixing with Mrs Boris's semi-digested cat food.

Filch splashed in the remains of his life-long companion and his own liquefied dung. "I'm fading fast!" he gurgled as he faded to black and white. "Look at me! I'm hideous! I'm beastly!"

Steve consoled his monochrome man, placing his hand over Filch's heart. "Ur still beautiful to me!" Steve cupped Filch's head in his hands butt it fell off, rolling across the aisle in a trail of nits and other microscopic pests.

"NOO!" screeched Steve, trundling after his lover's cranium.

"This floor is filthy!" Filch ranted as he bounced and rolled across the lino. "Look at these dust-bunnies!"

Steve raced to the cleaning aisle to pick up some Daz to clean the floor. He squirted it over every conceivable place, including directly into Filch's eyes.

"I'm blinded and bodiless!" Filch cried "Not to mention I'm black and white!"

"Sorry Filch!" Steve chuntered, scooping the frothy mass out of his true love's eyeballs.

Amy and Rory looked on in horror, Amy stuffing her face with Freddos whilst Rory's back was turned.

The supermarket was chaos. The sound of fireworks and strobe lighting filled Nettos, Castiel, the angle of the lord, bust through the cheap walls in a shower of cotton wool and sour jam.

He screamed "DING DONG! HERE COMES THE PONG!" as a warning before letting rip a gargantuan trouser cough. Nettos was flattered and all of its inhabitants were launched into deep space nine.

"My work here is done." Screamed Castiel, munching on a Freddo.


End file.
